morethanthis

Visserligen hade han skrivit i sitt brev att han tänkte komma hem oavsett vad Victoria sa. Men jag hade en lustig känsla i magtrakten att han inte skulle komma hem utan Victoria.

Niall

I put the phone back down in my jeans pocket, took a new grip of my bag and guitar case and studied the street signs. What way was the hotel? I scratched the top of my head and felt my stiff strands of hair point up in the quiff I had put a lot of effort in this morning. I don’t know why. Maybe to hide up the fact that I was planning on leaving England on some unconcious level. Zayn had taught me his hair secrets the other day so I guess I just wanted to succeed. My quiff didn’t look as good as Zayn’s though, but who’s did? I turned my head around and looked for someone to help me.

”Hi!”

I stepped forward to a guy i hadn’t even noticed sitting on a bench to my left. He rose his head and our eyes met. He had eyes grey as pavement and a small scar on his chin.

”Hello.” He replied, sounding a bit cold. I don’t think he felt like chatting really. I rushed to get the conversation over and done.

”Have you ever heard of hotel Carmel?” I asked and tried flashing him a friendly ’Hey I just meet you’-smile. He didn’t lit up even a little bit.

"You’re in the wrong end of town kid.” He answered and looked back down at his magazine in an attempt to make me go away with no further questioning. But I asked him once and was more than willing to ask again if needed. He might be unpolite but I hated giving up and leaving things undone.

”So what’s way is the right one?”

The man let out a loud sigh, not very subtle about hiding the fact that he found me annyoing. Without lifting his head up again he pointed in the direction I had come from.

”Thanks!” I said and left the man alone with his precious newspaper. Whatever could be that interesting. He mumbled something unhearable but I couldn’t be bothered to listen. I’m sure he was just talking to himself because I was already several feet away.

An hour (and so many steps I don’t think there’s an existant number to measure them) later I saw six big letters spelling out Carmel on top of a three floor high building. I almost screamed out of happiness, but contained myself. How embarrasing wouldn’t that be? A gang of five blonde girls walked past me on the sidewalk and I thanked god for not doing what I almost had done by reflex. They whispered a bit, chuckled and gave me a few looks. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I rapidly crossed the street and snuck in through the glass door entrance almost walking face first into the see through glass. Stopped myself last second and took a step to the side instead, to avoid a broken nose.

When you sat there, just a heartbeat away... No. Stood sounds better. When you stood there, just a heartbeat away.

I doodled on my notepad, changing the lyrics of the song last minute. It seems stupid but I’m quick at learning lyrics so it’s fine. I played through the song carefully and hummed the words so I wouldn’t wake my hotel neighbours up. When I’ve been sat like that for almost 45 minutes I decided it was time for some sleep. Long flight = Tired Niall. I’m going to need a lot of rest, I need to be brave tomorrow when facing Victoria. Okay well that’s not what I’m afraid of. What scares me is what she’ll respond. Maybe tonight will be the last night of not having my heart broken. Or it could be the last night to feel like I’m missing something in my life. Her. Oh god I’m literally filling up on hope at the same time as I break myself down into little pieces, like a lego house. But it’s not that simple. A lego house can be put back together, one building block at a time. A heart on the other hand, bit trickier. It has all these vains, artaries and stuff and no even edges. Takes months to get fixed, and if you’re not very handy with handiwork, years. If it’s even possible to repair. You never really can fix a heart, but you can glue, tape, whatever works for ya, the pieces and hope it doesn’t fall back apart.

It was only 8:45 pm but I felt as tired as a bag of potato chips.

Wow that didn’t even make sense.

Goodnight world.

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