The uncomfortable silence had me in a death grip and I wanted to escape desperatly. Ten minutes had passed and I couldn't take it any longer. The middle aged couple opposite of us had been giving us snarky looks on and off ever since they caught us in action.

"You wanna... take off?" I whispered so the older couple wouldn't hear my suggestion.

"You bet."

Harry climbed out of the barrel first and I was close behind him. I felt the couple staring at our backs as we jogged back inside the buidling.

"Fun couple, almost as fun as us." Harry joked and rolled his eyes. I laughed. Harry gave me a peck on the cheek, grabbed his towel on the chair where he had thrown it earlier and dissapperad into the boys' changing room. I stayed still for a second, feeling the touch of his cold lips from the chilly outside air on my face, before I grabbed my own towel as well and went to leave for the girls'. I pushed the door halfway open, slunk in and changed into my dry clothes quickly. I pushed up the door to the pool again, let go making it slam before me and turned 90 degrees to my right, pushing another door open.
I leaned toward the klinker wall and observed his back as he studied himself in the mirror for a minute. I was standing wryrly behind him so I didn't show in the reflection. I stood like that for a while, studying the wet strands of hair hanging in front of his face. They hadn't had time to curl up in their usual way yet. He sweeped the hair out of his eyes and his entire face showed. His expression was pretty emotionless as he pinched himself a bit of skin on his hip.

"Knock knock." I tapped on the wall and he breathed in harshly and look startled. He let out his abrupt gasp of air and blinked slowly in relief a few times. I chuckled and walked over to him and pinched the same piece of skin he had just done.

"This is the boys' you know that right? Or did the cold go straight to your head?" Harry asked and gave me a meaning look.

"I missed you a lot." I hummed and felt his hip skin between my fingers. It wasn't much to hold on to.

"What if you get caught?" Harry smirked and looked down in my face. I on the other had was still keeping my head down, watching his abs and sharp v-line.

"There's no one here besides that dull couple. They won't come in for a while. They finally got rid of us, I think they want to stay out for a bit."

A giggle slipped out from Harry's lips and he started kissing my forehead.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna go for a shower I'll be right back." He smirked and drifted out of my grip. I stretched my arms out for him but wasn't able to catch him and pull him back.

"What, I don't get to join you?"

But Harry just smiled misheviously and dissappeared behind the shower curtain. His swimming trunks flew over the top and landed on the floor outside the showed. I groaned quietly and sat down on the locker room bench. I watched myself in the mirror infront of me. My jet black hair hung in wet waves around my face down to my chest. My light brown eyes pierced the glass and stared back at me intense. Why did I look so harsh? I tried to smile a bit. It didn't look legit so I stopped. My cheeks were red from the cold, but the rest of me was pale. It was winter after all. A few birthmarks painted a scattered trail of dots from my left temple down to my neck on the same side. In the mirror I saw the swimming shorts dissappear into the cover of the shower curtain again. My head turn rapidly when I heard something that sounded like a door nearby slamming. My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw a shadow move towards me coming from the direction of the door to enter the locker room. I paniced. It was probably the male half of the middleaged couple that wasn't very fond of us! I quickly looked around and realized I had only one hope. I run the few steps left to the shower room and hopped into the nearest shower, I didn't have time to seek up another one. A chocked Harry stare at my sudden apperance and I put my mouth over his mouth before he had time to make a sound.

"Shush!" I hushed. Harry rose his eyebrows at me meanwhile I was staring up at the ceiling. I was stomping with my foor impatiently waiting for the man to get ready and leave. On a scale from 1-10 on how happy he would be to see us again I think I would have to go with a negative. I gave Harry a meaning look and nodded at him to make sure he understood where I was going. He nodded back and I removed my hand from his mouth.

"Who said there wouldn't be anyone here?" Harry whispered ironically and choked a laughter. I was this close to smacking him somewhere in his face.

"I didn't think they would be done so quickly! Oh god."

"Really?!" I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him in the face multiple times. "That's amazing!"

"It's 7pm and the ski slopes are closing down soon, so we don't have time to hit them today anyways. I heard the hotel has a hot tub, do you wanna go? We'll go up to the lodge afterwards." Harry suggested.

"Sounds perfect. But how do we get up to the top if the lifts are closing?"

"They keep one open for the top lodges."

We took out our swimming wear that we had packed just in case and put our suitcases in a luggage room and went to search for the hot tub that was rumoured to be around here somewhere. Harry pointed towards a sign that said "Spa Area". We followed it and found what looked like the entrance. We stepped up to the desk.

"There's no one else here at the moment, we're almost closing." The lady behind the counter winked and handed us a locker key each. "You're lucky."

We said thank you and moved on to the locker rooms. Harry gave me a peck on the cheek and dissappeared into the boys' changing room. I push the door into the girls' up and step inside. I changed quickly into my bikini because I didn't like the dead silence. I grabbed a towel on my out to the hot tub and saw Harry came out through his door at the exact same time. He had his towel thrown over his shoulder and with a smirk he tossed it onto one of the wooden chairs and reveladed his toned upper body.

"I missed you." He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I was only gone for what couldn't have been more than two minutes."

"Doesn't matter, I missed you anyway."

I kissed him on the lips and then took his hand to pull him with me down in the... Um where was the hot tub?

"I don't see a hot tub anywhere?" I looked up in Harry's face and he seemed just as confused as me.

"Me neiter..." He mumbled and wrinkled his forehead in deep concentration. His eyebrows quickly shot up when he spotted something.

"It's outside!" He exclamied.

"It's what?"

"Outside! I bet it's one of those hot tubs that are just standing out in the snow!"

We passed through the doors where the hot tub was supposed to be and saw a wooden barrel with steam reeking from the ice blue water surface. The snow was freezing cold and pretty slippery. We made our way over what almost passed as ice at this point and a few feet away from the barrel I felt the ground slipping away beneath me.

"Hey!" Harry shouted and something with long skinny fingers caught my upper arm. Harry had grabbed me last second and I managed to not fall down on my ass. Harry helped me lift myself back up again.

"Slippery?"

"Shut up."

The hot water embraced my cold skin and I sunk down onto the sit platform with closed eyes.

"Feels good doesn't it?" Harry said. Even with my eyes shut I could hear he was smirking.

"Mm..." I hummed and sunk down even further so the water reached up to my chest.

"Do you know what else feels good?"

"Hmm, what.." I mumbled. A shiver shot through my neck down to my toes when something cold but soft met the skin below my chin. Quiet as hell Harry had moved to my side and started to kiss the skin that was left above the water surface. He now warm hand rested on my thigh heavily. One by one he placed kisses down my neck to my chest. The collarbone kisses made me subtle moans leave my lips involuntarily. That was until another couple coughed to draw our attention. We both looked up and saw a middle aged man and woman who also wanted to join. Shyly we smiled and Harry quickly straighten up his posture, from sitting leaned over me giving me pleasure. I felt my cheeks heat up like a toaster and I turned my face to Harry and mimed.

"Oops."

Harry read my lips perfectly and shrugged his shoulder in response. "What to do?"

I woke up tangled into Harry's shirt. My hand was fisting the fabric by his hip and my other hand was snuck up under it. His skin was warm. Which made me assume that my hand was pretty cold. Why he let me touch him I had no idea. I would have shoved his hand away in a matter of seconds.

"Oh you're up?" Harry smirked and sipped on his waterbottle. "I was wondering if you were doing it in your sleep or if you were actually awake."

"I was asleep." I hummws and let his shirt go. When I fell asleep I must have tumbled to the side and ended up with my head in his lap. For the second time today. I stretched my arms and twisedt my upper body a few times side to side to crack my back, which was feeling pretty stiff after lying in such a wry angle.

"We're about to land so... nevermind your stuff is already gathered." He laughs and puts the bottle down on his armrest.

"I slept the entire flight?" I asked confused and my eyes widened.

"Yeah. I didn't want to wake you up."

"But what have you been doing the whole time?"

Harry smiled mischievously and snuck his seatbelt back on, and I did the same.

"Not a lot."

"God I have to stop sleeping."

The plane came down and we waited for so long we were the last people left. Neither of us were big fans of crowds, which was understandable. So we let the others pass so we didn't have to hustle through the corridor. We, especially Harry, got mobbed by enough crowds of fans as it was. Harry who was sat in the seat closest to the passage got up first and I followed right behind him. I snuck my hand into his and he dragged me along the narrow aisle. We nodded politly to the flight attendents and skipped down the stairwell from the plane. The baggage had already started to arrive when we got into the airport. Our bags arrived pretty quickly and we went outisde to catch a cab to the ski slops.

"Hotel Belvedere." Harry said and in the blink of an eye we were on our way. I looked out the window and see nothing but snow everywhere I sweep with my eyes. Harry put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned back into him and snuggled up in his neck and chin. He didn't have time to shave this morning so his skin was a bit rough, like sandpaper. But it wasn't too bad, his facial hair didn't grow so fast. Harry kissed the top of my head and I kept looking out the car at the beautiful, completely white view infront of me.

-

The hotel was lying straight ahead of us and it was just to walk up to it. With my suitcase in one hand I walked by Harry's side up to what must be the entrence to the lobby. We stepped inside and spotted the reception right away. Harry walked over, meanwhile I stood still mesmerized. The lobby was big and bright, the walls white like snow with strands of dark wood covering parts of the lower half of the walls. Black chairs and sofas filled the front of the room and in the back to the left there was a large scale fireplace sparkeling in its full glory. My eyes stopped at the fire, studying the red and orange flames licking the insides of the stove built up by brown bricks. After a few moments I shook my head to get out of the trance and kept on discovering the lobby's features. I took a tiny step with my foot and heard the floor creak. I shone up in a smile, what's a ski trip without creaking wooden floor? I twisted my toes on the surface for a moment to make it creak a few more times. A black cat with white spots sat on a pedestal and watched over the guests in the room. He, or she, seemes friendly but I didn't want to try anything. A big painting of a ski lodge hung above the blonde receptionist Harry was talking to and I couldn't help but sigh and wish we would get a ski lodge of our own, me and Harry. I knew they had those at this hotel, but they weren't available very often. A lot of couples wanted them, so it all basically came down to luck.

Harry spun around and walked back to me, who was captured by the beauty of the room. I didn't notice his presence until he gave me a peck on the lips to wake me up from my thoughts.

"Oh, hey!" I greeted and looked at him briefly by reflex, before I switched back to scan the room for more details.

"What can possibly be so interesting?" Harry asked after a few seconds when I wouldn't stop staring.

"Look at the fireplace!" I pointed toward the corner where it was located and broke out in a smile and laughed happily. I was way too excited.

"I see it." Harry chuckled and took me by the hand and tried to made me turn around so he could guide me out of the lobby.

"Ash!" He sighed when he was able to make my body spin around but not my head. In a 180 degree angle I was still captured in the vibrancy of the fireplace. I felt two largs hand on each one of my cheeks and before I knew it I was facing the entrance door instead.

"Guess what!" Harry said enthusiastichally. His eyes sparkled like a kid's on Christmas Day, when they found the presents under the tree in the living room.

"I don't know!" I was dragged into his enhusiasm and I was this close to hitting him to make him tell me what was so exciting.

"Guess what room we got!"

"A ski lodge?!"

"Not just any ski lodge!" Harry was almost bouncing up and down at this point like a basketball. "The one on the top of the mountain!"

Harry clears his throat and yells out a loud "HEY!" to catch everybody's attention. The girly voices die out and the gate is dead quite for a second, before Harry starts to speak again.

"If you want pictures we can take a quick group shot but I really have to go."

The girls seem to listen this time, they line up next to him and around him and push on eachother in order to get closest to Harry. I can see he swings back and forth i the mass almost losing his balance. But it's impossible for him to fall over because he's surrounded by girls that holds him up. A million cameras are being held out to me at the same time and I don't know which one to pick.

"Take one and they'll have to send the picture to one another afterwards." Harry demands and I choose a camera at random. Some girls protest but go silent quickly when they get devil looks from those who's not complaining and just want a damn picture.

"Smiiile!" I say before I click the button and the flash goes off. Someone runs up to me and take the camera and I assume it's her camera so I let it be.

"Can we go now?" I mouth the words and nod towards the desk were you board the plane. All the girls were busy checking if they look good on the photo, so I tip around them on my toes to not disturb them and put any ideas into their heads, like more pictures, or autographs. When I'm past them I grab Harry by the hand and we almost sprint to the boarding entrance. The girls are too slow and realize they won't be able to catch up with us before we're there.

"Tickets and passports please?" The lady behind the desk asks. Harry pulls out the tickets again and the passports from a different pocket and we're allowed on board without questions. Giggeling and smiling we run through the corridors that are leading to the plane. We made it. We got to the flight in time despite the fact that we overslept and we're attacked by fans. When we reach the actual plane everybody's already seated so we don't have to hustle to find our seats. We flop down in the chair next to each other and exhale loudly at the same time. It makes me laugh it's contagious and makes Harry laugh as well. He sighs.

"Finally, it's you and me now." He caresses my arm with the tip of his finger and I see him shine up in a smirk. "Can you believe it?"

"No." I giggle and observe the way he slowly moves his finger up and down my forearm. I tickles, but in a good way. "Too good to be true."

Harry laughs and kisses me on the cheek. "We have a long flight ahead of us."

I yawn and stretch my arms up in the air.

"You got to be kidding me."

"What?" I look at him wondering.

"You slept all night and all the way here!"

"Oh. But I took a sleeping pill. It takes some time for them to stop working."

"But you've been wide awake since we left the cab!"

"You can get sudden hits of alertness for short periods but then they kick in again."

Harry sighs again and leans back in his seat. "As I was saying, this is our first trip away together. I really think we could both use a break from everything, I-"

I don't listen any further as I fall asleep folded in my seat. I hear a distant monotone voice that keeps talking before I pass out completely. Instead I see snowy mountain tops and white fir-tree's before my eyes. I'm dreaming about the trip already. This will be good for both of us. Unconsiously the corners of my mouth pull up in a smile.

Aisha

"I..." I squint with my eyes and the bright light hurts. What is that? It's...snow? Why don't I see it in stripes like I'm looking out through the blinds hanging by the hotel window? Confused I lift my head up a little and give myself some time to get used to the brightness. I wish you could adjust the daylight yourself but there's no such thing in real life. I give up and flip over to my other side instead. It's not as bright, so I try to open my eyes. I see a grey shirt and get even more confused. This is definitly not my bed. But I'm resting on something soft and comfortable, so I don't mind. But I'm curious so I turn my head and almost jump up and knock our faces together when I see Harry's head sacking from his neck. His eyes are closed and he's breathing really slow. He's asleep. The curls are hanging in thin air, gently swinging back and forth because we're moving. I chuckle and lift myself up and give him a kiss on the nose. He flinches and wakes up by the light touch. He had not been deep sleeping.

"Huh." He blinks and tries to open his eyes properly. Whatever we're in it stops while he's still a bit dazed from waking up and both of us get throwed in a forward motion and then pops back in original position.

"We're here!" Harry's suddenly very awake and is almost jumping in his seat. He's bouncing on his feet and it makes his legs move, which cause my head which is laying in his very comfortable lap bop up and down.

"Where?" I ask as I sit up and rub my eyes.

"The airport Ash!"

"The what, the AIRPORT?" In the blink of an eye I'm wide awake as well. "We overslept?!"

"YOU SLEPT ALL THE WAY HERE!" He exclaims and hops out of the cab I've notived we're apperantly in.

"But how did we, what did you-" Confused I hop out after him and run to the trunk where Harry's standing, accepting the suitcases from  the driver.

"You shouldn't take those sleeping pills when we have to catch a flight in the morning. I had to carry you down!"

Speechless I stare at him as he carries one suitcase in each hand up on the sidewalk. I think I dropped my jaw because I feel a light puff of air whirl around in my mouth. I close it because I assume I look pretty dumb. How did he carry me down from the 14th floor? In his arms? Over his shoulder? Did he have any help? Was it all him? I put my hand on my forehead, so many questions. And I wasn't even saying them out loud so it's not like I got any answers.

"Come on now!" He waves at me to move. I understand we're in a rush so I do as he says. Luckily for us the check-in is empty, perhaps because we're most likely the last passangers for our flight. When we've checked in and dropped off our bags we run through airport security. Harry gets stopped in the thing that beeps if you're wearing any metallic objects (I don't know what they are called) and it turns out he forgot to put his belt on the x-ray thingy. Impatiently I stomp with my foot as I wait for the guards to let him through for the second time. This time it goes well and we keep moving. When we show up at the gates we realize there are a million. Harry checks which pocket he put the tickets in and pull them up. As we study the flight information we don't notice how someone, or several people sneak up behind us.

"It's Harry Styles!" A girl with a shrill voice yells in my ear and I almost pee myself from chock. A group of girls that must be her friends or something like that surrond us in a circle.

"Shit." Harry whisperes and put the tickets away.

"Harry can we have a picture please?"

"Can you sign this?"

"Look!" Harry exclaims and puts his arm up in the air for attention. "I'm willing to take pictures, but it has to go quickly, I have a flight to catch."

"Harry!" The girls scream again in chorus and I have to put my hands over my ears. I can't stand high pitched teenage girl voices. They seem to ignore his request completely like they didn't even hear what he said. Everyone shoves pieces of paper, shoes and even bras up in his face for him to sign and flashes go off everywhere. I close my eyes as well and turn my face to the ground. How are we supposed to make our flight now? The plane leaves in ten minutes and you have to board before it takes off. No ski trip in the Alps for us.

December 19th, 2012.

Harry:

I roll out of bed unconsiously but wake up when I hit the floor with a thomp. It doesn't hurt, as I still have the duvet wrapped around me like an egg roll. Sleepy I push myself up on my elbows and look around the room for a clock. The bright light from the snow shines in through the not fully closed blinds and forces me to squint. The white walls of the room reflecting it doesn't help either. I gasp when I see four red digital numbers light up on the night stand.

"Oh shit!" I get up so fast I slip on the duvet and fall sideways onto the bed and sink down in the soft matress. I struggle a bit to get back control and crawl over to the still sleeping beauty.

"Ash, Ash wake up!" I yell and shake her relaxed body. She doesn't wake up.

"Damn sleeping pills." I say out loud frustrated, I can't wake her up. To be so small those white things could be pretty strong. Especially for a thin, short girl like Aisha. The smaller you are the more they affect you. I let her sleep for another minute while I gather our suitcases and place them at the door so we can simply grab them on our way out. The plane leaves in an hour and I'm stressed out of my mind. We were supposed to leave 50 minutes ago. Irritated I aim a kick at the wardrobe on my way back to Ash. My toe starts to hurt but I don't care. It was a good pain. It made me angry and I always did things faster when I was angry. It doesn't take to long to get to JFK from here, we could still make it.

"Ash you neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to wake up now." I whine and slap her gently on the cheeks and lift up her eyelids. Her hazel orbs stare empty at me. I quickly close her eyes again, the death glance made me uncomfortable. I preferred when they were full of life. I realize that if we're going to make the flight, we have to get moving NOW. There's no time to lie around waiting.

"Okay lets go." I cheer on myself. I slide my arms under her and lift her body up and throw her over my shoulder. She's not so heavy. I walk across the room and I fling the door open. On my way out I grab one suitcase in each hand as I balance her on my shoulder, praying I won't drop her. She's out like a light, I don't understand how it isn't possible to shake even the slightest bit of conciousness into her. I need to drop one bag to push the elevator button, but after that it goes pretty smooth. The lobby doors open automatically on the way out and Ash is still lying tossed over my shoulder. With a last great effort I get out on the sidewalk and wave for a cab to pull over. A yellow one slows down and nods at me to hop in, while rising his eyebrows in a questioning motion. I know it looks weird, I have a passed out girl on my arm. But there's no need to point it out. The cab driver is nice enough to take the bags meanwhile I gently lift Ash off my shoulder and lay her down in the backseat. I hop in after her and place her head in my lap, so she can keep sleeping. Hopefully she wakes up before we get to the airport. Otherwise I will have a great challenge ahead of me. Her eyelids flutter, that's a good sign. That means she's not deep sleeping. I stroke a strand of hair from her eyes and study the colour of her face features. Light pink lips, black eyelashes, very pale cheeks. Blood flow isn't as good when you're asleep. I bend down and kiss her softly. She hums something unhearable and I wonder what she's dreaming about. It seemed to make her a bit anxious because her body twitches on and off for a minute.

"JFK Airport!" I inform and sink down in the car seat, exhausted from the struggle of getting a girl and two suitcases down from the 14th floor. I know it doesn't take more than 15 minutes to the aiport, but I feel so drowsy. I can't let myself close my eyes. Without realizing the shut anyway and before I know it I've fallen asleep again. Even though I woke up no later than less than half an hour ago.

I stare at the white jar. Third time this week. I usually don't have to take them that often. I take a pill out and lay it on the bench. With a smash from my fist white dust shatters everywhere. I sweep it down in my glass of water before swallowing everything in one swoop. I put the glass down with a thud on the kitchen counter and return to the bed that awaits. Harry's already in it. His hair in a mess on top of his head and feet outside the end of the duvet.

"Did you finish packing?" He asks and gives me a meaning look. I stop breathing for a moment and my mind goes blank. I can almost hear the sound of crickets in there.

"N...o..." I whisperer and look down at the floor. I'm barefoot with a scrape on one of my toes. It's bleeding and leaves red traces on the other toe next to it. Not much, but visable. How did that happened? I can't even remember hitting it on anything. I had a high threshold for pain. It had to hurt major to make me shed tears.

"But oh my god." Harry sighs and gets out of his comfortable position under the covers. He's in his underwear only. He sleeps in them. The contrasts of his chiseled upper body shows clearly in the light from the lamp on the night stand. I glare at his strong back for a minute. His shoulder blades peek nicely out from his skin. I shake my head to come back to my senses. I kind of lose myself for a bit every time I observe him when there's no one around to tell me to stop. I move a bit closer up behind him and drag my finger carefully along his hip.

"It tickles!" He laughs and grabs my wrist to make it stop. He has a firm grip, but it doesn't hurt. He knows how much strenght to use. For a boy he was very ticklish. If you knew the right places. "Help me with the packing instead. YOUR packing."

"But it's practially done!" I throw my hands out from my body in a dejected gesture. I couldn't possibly think of more things to throw in there. I had clothes, hairbrush, toothpaste, sheets...

"Do you have a toothbrush?"

I freeze for 0.5 seconds before I run into the bathroom and come out with my blue toothbrush and toss it in the suitcase.

"So! Sleep!"

"Wait I-" He keeps refolding the clothes I had already folded once. He can be such a perfectionist. Not that I was any worth at folding shirts but can he let my clothes be for just once? For God's sake. He's focused and has his tounge peeking out from between his lips. He does that when he's concentrated but doesn't know he does. The curls on his head are hanging over his face and in his eyes. Both hands too busy to sweep them away.

"S-L-E-E-P." I pull on Harry and push him down on the bed to make him stop packing. The only thing that seems to work on him. He lands on his back but his head misses the pillow so he has to relocate himself. His abs tighten when he pushes himself further up on the matress. I can't help but stare. I jump in the bed myself and make the entire matress bounce up and down in waves.

"Are you happy?"

"Very. Now close your eyes, so we don't oversleep tomorrow." I put my fingertips on his eyelids and shut them. When that's done I snuggle up in his arms so my back touches his front. He's warm, like a toaster that has just been in use. I feel his breath hit my neck it with long pauses. His breathing is so slow I almost start to worry. But he does it every night. I fall alseep quickly thanks to my sleeping pill. Luckily for me it didn't kick in before I had time to shove Harry to bed. Or else he would have stayed up packing all night.

Me and Harry are not the only ones entering through the door to the hotel room. We also drag in two pounds of snow with us. I shake out my hair and jacket and another pound adds up to the pile. That's gonna get wet when it melts, I think to myself and pull of my shoes and throw them on the shoe shelf. The snow is already leave soaking puddles over the floor. I push away the compulsion of grabbing a mop right away. Harry shakes the white flakes out of his hair and they fly up and about everywhere. He looks like a wet puppy while doing it.

"Are you ready to meet up with the rest of the boys yet?" Harry asked facing away from me. He had some trouble getting his right shoe off. As he struggles he loses his balance. He falls over backwards and lands with his full weight onto the floor. His face looking up in mine. His forehead wrinkles when his eyes grow to the size of tennis balls and his mouth wide open in surprise. He looks completely clueless. Such a cluts he was. I hide a chuckle.

"Are you?" I blink and sit down next to him to pull the shoe off. When I get it over and done his leg falls back down on the floor with a thud. I lean my head over him and place my hands on his cheeks and my lips on his. The cold from his lips travels through mine  and make me shiver involuntarily. But they heat up quick.

"I am now!" He jumps off like he got five shots of redbull. I laugh and get back up myself.

"I think I'm finished packing," Harry mutteres pensively and strokes his chin and imaginative beard stubble. He didn't have any, but he liked to think he did. "Yes I am."

"I'm not." I smile and toss another sweater on my blue suitcase. I couldn't be bothered to open it. Later.

"You never are." Harry sighs like I'm a hopeless cause, and helps me pack a bit before we have to leave to meet up the gang. 15 minutes later we're out the door it feels like we just got in from. Not that we have to go that far. Liam's room where we're supposed to meet up is just lying on the floor above us.

"Heeey guys!" Harry and I greet the others in chorus. Liam and Niall are the first ones to run up to the hall. Three more happy faces are close behind them.

We go a round to hug everyone properly. Kaat is here too, a brown eyed brunette I am very fond of. Zayn comes and sneaks up from behind and hugs her. I melt a little. They look like two reindeers in their matching christmas sweaters.

"Last night in New York how does it feel?" Louis asks with a grin.

"I hope we're ready to leave tomorrow morning." Harry grins back and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. "But this one isn't finished packing."

"Like always." Louis and Liam look at each other and sigh. I feel like giving them both a punch in the side. But Harry's holding me around the waist and I don't have oppertunity. I think he was doing it on purpose. He pinches me in the arm and I flinch back colliding into his chest. If my arm wasn't so tense it wouldn't have hurt. He knew what I had been about to do. He knows me too well.

"I'll get it done tonight I promise."

-

"Kaat?" I ask when we're alone in the kitchen trying to find the chocolate cake Louis said they had left from earlier. It was well hidden. Or maybe we're just bad at looking in the right places.

"Yeah?"

"Do you love him?" I ask not taking my eyes of the cabinet. But I could feel Kaat's eyes glare at me from behind.

"I do."

"Just checking." I say with a smile. Zayn and her had been together for a few months now, and I think it was getting pretty serious. Magazine articles didn't adress Zayn as single anymore. But they didn't have the name of Kaat yet. How they had managed to keep it a secret for so long blew my mind.

"You-"

"Yes." I reply before she had time to finish in a high pitch, like you do when you're asking a question.

"And you two are going away together for the first time tomorrow." Kaat states, as she shines up because she just found the chocolate cake. She looks like a light beam at sunrise.

"I won't be able to sleep tonight." I laugh and smear my finger across the chocolate frosting and put it in my mouth. Or at least I would have put it in my mouth if someone hadn't grabbed my wrist last second.

"And what are you doing?" Harry smirks and lick my finger off himself.

"Hey!"

"Kaat, Zayn is asking for you."

Kaat nods chuckeling and leaves the room. I dip my finger in the glaze once again and cover my lips with it. He has no choice than to kiss it off if he wants some. He gently sucks my lips to get all of it. I giggle during the prodedure because the sound he makes while doing it sounds really funny. It feels heavenly.

"I heard you won't sleep tonight." He says when he's finished.

"I'm just excited. I never sleep when I'm excited." It's true. I think I produce an excess of adrenaline in my body when I get worked up about something. I should check it up really. I can stay up for two days straight. I guess I have to take my pills tonight.

"Damn!" I curse and turn my head back to not lose Harry out of sight. You can easily get away from each other in this city, just make one wrong turn and you're pretty much screwed. After a few streets we stop to catch our breaths. Harry claps on a dumpster as a sign for me to take a seat. Thanks to a set of moving boxes and a chair I balance and jump up on the six feet high thing and Harry follows, carrying the bagels in his right hand. How he managed to get up with only one free arm messed up my entire way of reasoning.

"Here." He breathes heavily and flashes a bright smile. With a quick motion he drops one of the round pieces of bread to me. If I didn't have as fast reflexes as I did it would have ended up as crumbles all over my lap. I catch it as I still have one hand resting on my ribcage. I feel my own chest pound like a maniac and I hear myself exhale, inhale just as loudly as he does. My eyes get caught staring into the wall opposite of us. Graffiti in bright pink and yellow decorates the side of the buildning. Someone had been feeling creative that day. In one of the grey bricks below the way out of porportion graffiti letters I distinguish a bullet mark. I'm not surprised. Muggers carrying guns isn't unusal around here. They even stopped printing articles about shootings in the New York Times because if they would keep publishing them there wouldn't be room for other incidents or events. If you think about it, just another guy snatching a woman's purse in the alley gets boring after a while. The media has more important things to inform about, like... I can't think of anything on the top of my head right now. I hate keeping up with media. Whether it's though the internet, TV or magazines. The entire concept bored me to death.

"One thing that struck me was how none of them saw us leaving the coffee shop?" Harry utters and breaks the silence. As silent as it can be when you're munching on toasted bread crusts.

"Hmm..." I wrinkle my forehead. "Maybe they're just stupid."

"Don't say that."

"Sorry."

We sit in another silence until I can't take it anymore. I get up on my feet and get ready to jump of the container. Standing straight up the distance from me to the ground suddenly seems to double. But I'm not scared of heights.

"Ash what are you-" Harry interrupts himself and pushes himself of his comfortable seating position to grab me by the arm.

"No.." I whine, pushing my lower lip forward and up in an attempt to pout and look dissapointed.

"You can at least sit down."

I give in and sit down throwing my legs over the edge instead. Within seconds my feet hits the ground. Harry finished his last bite of bagel and swings down landing in my foot steps. Well, if it was possible to leave foot steps in cobble stone his landing would have fitted right into them. If I hadn't taken a step forward he probably would've kicked me in the back of my head considering I was facing away from the dumpster. I feel his arms wrap around me over my shoulders in a tight hug.

"Man I love bagels." He sighs, rocking me gently back and forth for a minute. I let myself close my eyes and lean back, resting my head on his chest. I'm not so tall. He is the most random guy I have ever come across. He always says the things that pops into his mind, even if it has nothing to do with anything at all. He gets lost in his own train of thought and forgets he doesn't make sense.

When I hear something that sounds like a pair of flip flops walking nearby the peace is over and I quickly get back up.

"Lets get back to the hotel. You got your bagel." I offer him my hand and he takes it. We leave the alley before the flip flops had a chance to see we were even there.

December 18th 2012.

I sneak my hand into his, twice the size as mine. The sun gazes through the tree crowns and makes his face sparkle like they do in the Twilight movies when one of the vampires enters daylight. Someone accidently knocked over the glas bottle of glitter I use to do my nails this morning and got it all over. Including his face. His left eye must have itched and he forgot he had put his hand in the glitter dust. A giggle slips out of my mouth. He had the worst short term memory I had ever stumbled on.
"What are you laughing at?" He turns his head and looks down on me, who's trying to choke another chuckle.
"You sparkle." I smile and lick the tip of my thumb. He flinches by reflex when my finger moves closer to his face but realizes what I'm trying to do. He stands back up straight and lets me wipe some of the glitter flakes off. It doesn't go as well as I had planned and wouldn't come off. I don't tell him.
"Is it gone?" He asks.
"Yep." I lie and drag him with me to keep the pace up. He's not prepared and flies two feet forward like when you're thrown back into the seat thanks to your seatbelt in a car crash, before he gets control of his feet properly. With a loud sigh I slow down and stop when we get surrounded by a bunch of girls a few years younger than myself. Exactly why I don't like to take short pauses. This happens.
"Harry Harry can we please get a picture?"
"Can you say 'Hello' I'm recording!"
"Can you please... Oh!" One of the girls who has a small piece of paper in her hand gets pushed to the side and lands in the back of the pack of the hungry wolves (as I saw them). When she realizes she won't be able to give it to Harry she turns to me.
"Can you give this to Harry and ask him to follow the names I wrote down? It would mean so much!"
I nod and accept the bone white folded note. I had taken a few steps back when the girls attacked, so I wouldn't be in the way or end up in the background of some fan's photo pulling a face I'd rather not want the entire world to see. Internet these days. Everything spreads like wildfire.
After a few minutes the girls start to scatter after a short chat with Harry and some pictures. He must have said goodbye and this group seemed sane enough to understand when it was time to leave. I'm thankful for that part of his fans. Some of them were not as nice. I knew that from experience.
"Shall we move on?" Harry offers me his arm. Quickly I drop the note the girl had given me without hesitating. It blends in with the snow perfectly, like a camelont in the South American rainforest. Even if I tried I wouldn't be able to find it again. I'm not handing him a piece of paper with meaningless online accounts. It's not like he has time to follow them all anyways. I'm an insanely jealous person, a fact about myself which I'm not willing to share with people. I link our arms together and we continue strutting through the madly white Central Park. The thick layer of snow covers every plant and every kid in sight. I love snow. I prefer winter over summer. It's funny how we can move in public without being jumped every ten inches. But I guess you blend in with the crowd when you dress casual. In his plaided shirt, open black jacket, dark green beanie and black skinny jeans Harry looked like any block kid around. And as for me, I was wearing blue tight jeans, a black jacket as well and a simple white tee, with an airplane necklace hanging around my neck. The guy to my right's airplane necklace. Harry had pulled up the sleeve on his jacket and I felt the skin on his hand touching mine. I smile. If there is one thing I love it's body contact. With people I like. Or else you shouldn't even attempt to touch me. Riding the New York subway in rush hour is by far the worst thing I have ever done.
"Shall we drop by the bakery before heading back to the hotel? I can't get the thought of a cream cheese bagel out of my head."
"Stop!" I laugh. "Now I need one."
Harry and I pick up the pace and arrives in front of the bakery in no time. The green sign with white letters reading out "Nolan's Bagel Shop" is way familiar by now. We had swung by the same bakery every day for the past week. Can you say addictive.
"Hey Dave!" Harry greets and reaches out his massive hand towards the cashier.
"Who are you?" He looks at Harry with big eyes. Harry hits him on the shoulder and they both laugh.
"Hello to you too Ash." The very blonde Dave smiles.
Ash was a nickname. It's Aisha. I respond with a wave and a blink.
"Can we have two cream cheese bagels to go? We're in kind of a hurry." Hary asks. That boy can make anything sound polite. But I see his foot stomping impatiantly on the floor. He's stressed. Probably because fans can pop in at any second. And how or you supposed to get out and away from a pack of fangirls when there's only one exit, which will for sure be blocked.
Dave returns with two still reeking hot bagels. Harry accepts them and says a quick goodbye, before we're out the door. We round a corner and in the turn I automatically look behind us. My corneas catches a sight of 20 girls rushing into the coffee shop at the same time.

"11:11 I wish it never happened. 11:11 I wish I could turn back time. 11:11 I wish I was the one to go. Rather it be me. 11:11 doesn't work. Why do I keep trying?"

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"Are you okay?" He peeks through the door. I keep my eyes on the floor.

"You're still devestated." He points out straight away and walks over and takes the seat next to me on my unmade bed. It had been in the same state for a month. The madress on my side rises when he jumps down on the other. I sit quiet, I don't feel like replying really. I think he understands, because he doesn't ask any further questions. He simply rubs my back in an attempt to comfort. It feels good. He knows.

"You know, some days I feel like I should just move on. Get it over with. Let it go and keep living the life I made up for myself. It took some hard work to build up you know? Then something similar to a title wave hits me in the face and I just feel, I don't want to."

"One of these days you will start to. You can't get over things like this that easy. It takes time. People talk about letting go, like it's something you do just snap like that. But I think it's like pulling the petals of a flower while mouthing 'Love me, love me not'. It's something you do in steps."

I can tell this is hard on him too. But I can't bare myself to swap roles and be the comforter. Not today, not tomorrow, probably not for the coming weeks. Or months. I knew very well everybody hurt, but it teared by far the most on me.

"I don't know..." I sigh and get up from the bed to look out the window instead. The sight of a dusty wooden floor with cracks in all the right places gets kind of boring after staring down at for an hour. That's all I've done since I woke up this morning. Another morning without...

I can't even say the name out loud anymore. It hurts too bad. Once there was a time when I overused that name just because it rolled of my tounge so easily. I loved it, I said it even when I didn't have to, just because I could. But now.

"Do you want breakfast?"

"No."

"Same as usual." He mumbles. Without furter discussion he leaves the room. He knows very well I'm not the person who can be convinced when I've set my mind on something. Usually I would feel bad, but I don't feel anything at all. I dissapointed him again, same as always. Every day since the new year started. It's February now.

I stay by the window and glare at the busy traffic. A school bus filled with youngsters stops for a while at the traffic light and I'm able to catch a good glimpse of all the happy faces sat the worn bus seats. The kids sit in pairs and everyone seems to be in a lively discussion with their seat partner. Tuesday morning and everyone's going into work at the same time. I guess it's just their every day lives. Some of them struggle, some of them don't have a worry in the whole wide world. I envy those kind of people. I can never be one of them anymore. Chances ruined. Damn.

I've lost my appetite completely but I still go hungry all the time. It's like a vicious circle. I haven't eaten for days. In reality I'm starving but my head tells me that if I eat something I won't be able to hold it down, so there's no point. I return the my bed, the only sort of happy place I still have. If it even qualifies as a happy place. Maybe it's just not the same sort of hell as everywhere else. I crawl under the covers and pull them up to my chin. I miss the feeling of it being the two of us cuddeling so close together our eyelashes touched, otherwise we weren't able to fit into the one man bed. When I see the book on the night stand I scrunch my face and wishes for it to dissappear on the count of three. When I open my eyes it's still there. With  a fast motion i knock it over so it falls down behind, so I can't see it. I curl up into a ball in an attempt to make the hunger go away. It's works to about 20 %. Still hungry. Still sad. Still broken.

Nu lägger jag upp min nya fanfic här också för er som har problem att komma in på de två andra sajterna jag skrev om :) Här behöver man inte vara medlem för att kommentera sååå, jag tror ni fattar vart jag försöker komma med det här ;)